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masvida

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Literature

Heavy

There was a lot of me, so many left-behinds and details and colours I dropped in the dirt as I walked away. These days, it feels like a grave. These days, it feels like a weight. These days, it feels like I cut half of myself off in order to birth the other half-- these days, it feels like betrayal, a funeral that never needed to happen, like someone knocking through the window of a half-built house in the kind of neighborhood where nobody brings housewarming cookies. They burn you down instead. There was a lot of me, and none of me, and some of me, carried through and carried down and carried over, and I am something else these days. These days, someone else has pushed through and this half is not mine and this betrayal is not mine and this funeral is not mine and these windows are not mine and this fire is mine and-- I am drowning in the hoses putting me out. They save you and they kill you. There was none of me, and a lot of me, and some of me, and I am climbing and falling and

All

355 deviations
Literature

Heavy

There was a lot of me, so many left-behinds and details and colours I dropped in the dirt as I walked away. These days, it feels like a grave. These days, it feels like a weight. These days, it feels like I cut half of myself off in order to birth the other half-- these days, it feels like betrayal, a funeral that never needed to happen, like someone knocking through the window of a half-built house in the kind of neighborhood where nobody brings housewarming cookies. They burn you down instead. There was a lot of me, and none of me, and some of me, carried through and carried down and carried over, and I am something else these days. These days, someone else has pushed through and this half is not mine and this betrayal is not mine and this funeral is not mine and these windows are not mine and this fire is mine and-- I am drowning in the hoses putting me out. They save you and they kill you. There was none of me, and a lot of me, and some of me, and I am climbing and falling and

Featured

356 deviations
I See You See The Opposite

Photography

8 deviations
Don't Turn Around -drawing-

Traditional Art

6 deviations
Literature

Three Summer Explanation

i. My story's kind of complicated. And simple. I've never quite gotten used to warm temperatures and so I prefer longsleeves and sweatshirts. Just because. It's better that way. My favourite sweatshirt's my favourite because you can't stop playing with the laces-- because it's a diversion from my expression and my thoughts and my fears. Everything I don't want to tell you. ii. I'm not really that clumsy, to tell you the truth. I'm just distracted. I can't really differentiate between dream and reality, and that tends to cause problems. It's probably also why I don't really believe you... Why I'll never believe the truth. I'll always be afr

Numbered.

19 deviations
Literature

Day One: 5 of the 10 Things

i. Dreamer I asked you what sort of life you'd want to lead and you told me that you wanted to live. I'm sorry, but I forgot how to, I forgot how to breathe and to see and to dream. I forgot how to close my eyes and lose myself to the comforting darkness of night... Can you teach me again? Can I possibly relearn all of this? [Because I lost all of that when I lost you.] Please, I'm so sorry. Please, come back. ii. Dark Hey there. Hey. Did you know how many times I've wished I could say that to you again? Because now you're just a stone wall, just ice-cold, just gone somewhere I'm not sure I can ever reach. I remember when you'd let &

10 Days

11 deviations
Literature

Word Jumble

We joked that we had jumped time on a highway to hell and part of me wanted you to drive off part of me wanted to stay with you Jokes tend to tell part-truth and I feel like I have jumped back three years into pressurized brains and aching core do not trip do not trip And this is a poem about all of the repeated phrases how I’m afraid of cardiac arrest and I love the way your eyes look in sunshine and I can never seem to wake up on time Journeys are symbolic of life’s passing and trains of death a week ago, I was able to choose maybe you will never know.

S.

18 deviations

RT

15 deviations
Literature

Solve for x.

You have dark eyes and maybe a few dark thoughts, you have bright smiles and bright laughter-- you're young and beautiful. [But there are some things that you don't realize-- you never know the good things]. You know that I wish many things, things like love me, like love yourself, like please find someone who will treat you right. But, really, none of my wishes would make a difference if you didn't catch them, if you didn't use them. And the only wish that really, truly matters is the love yourself that I have written down on a piece of blue paper stolen from my math worksheet. Because, to be honest, I could love you all my life, and i

A.

14 deviations
Literature

Life Story of A Small Heart

1. I learned the word "fuck" when I was seven repeated it as often as I could (at school, because home was a landmine and nobody liked imperfection there). 2. In middle school, I was known for "being clean" oh, I have breathed worse things before turning eight and my youth group leaders told me that I didn't have depression two months after I tried to kill myself. (How ironic). 3. The boy who once forced me to kiss him turned out to be gay, and I turned out to be a boy I think of it as payback. 4. I woke up the morning after an overdose when I was fifteen, sloppy suicide attempts-- my "friend" screamed at me in the locker room that

Boy

34 deviations
Literature

I'll Be

It's midnight, and I am awake again, awake because you woke me up. It's strange, to talk to people long gone as if they were still here, but strangeness is sometimes a relief. You haunt me, an eleven-year-old dancer who looks so like her father. A young smile and old eyes and the lack of inhibitions that shows in your fluid movements. I always ask you how you are walking again. You are someone with a body that's broken but a mind that is free, and I can see your freedom splashing through the years; the freedom that you found in the water I have found under it and the freedom you found in helping people help themselves I've found ways to dro

Chloe

5 deviations
Literature

TableTops

Today my eyes spun like tabletops (I know tables don’t spin but all I could think was “will I die today?”) in-and-out-and-in-and-out of focus, I couldn’t close my eyes to make it stop I couldn’t make it stop make it stop stop. You said that I spoke nonsense— my voice became a hurricane, jumbled-up sometimes beautiful. I am sorry that I needed to open my skin so badly that I could not open my mouth to say “I can’t breathe and everything is shaking” but you stayed and I am still falling for you. And maybe it is odd to tell you that I am falling for you just because you stayed but you did

Damage

34 deviations
Literature

For Those Who Hurt More Than They Can Breathe

hey. i am imagining deep warmth and irrational trust, i will hold onto you and you will find yourself somewhere under the anger, and fear, and confusion that is trying to drown out the hope that is feeling like a fish with half its gills, but fish can’t drown. remember that biology lesson. hey. you love the colour that isn’t a colour, but everything absorbed and there is something wonderful in that sentiment, because you are an absorption of all of the beautiful things too, and sometimes it feels dark but sometimes that means you’re forgetting what went into that colour-that-isn’t-a-colour. hey. i am here with you

E Inspired

4 deviations
Soundtrack

Scraps

3 deviations